It’s funny how one day can suddenly create focus. I’ve half-written a few draft posts labelled “confused” and “unfocused” and was unable to get anywhere with them. But this week my doctor gave me some information, and my boss gave me some different information within a couple of hours, and suddenly everything is different. It could be the sun that day (although it’s rained ever since), but I feel clarity and optimism, two things that have abandoned me of late. It feels like a decision has been made and I’m suddenly driven, even though nothing has actually happened. It’s one of those “switches” I have experienced in my lifetime. Something happens internally, and I’m just… different now.
I just got this message from a coworker: “You know, you have been really stressed the past few weeks and today I’ve finally seen that happiness in your face, I loved it!” Yes. Yes I have. And yes, I’m different now.
I still have a terrible memory and I’m still dragging my aching carcass around the planet’s surface and I’m still struggling to find words when I need them. But somehow, someway, I see … the path. Not the light at the end. No, not the end. The beginning.